Tag Archives: unfunny

Rumble Road: Untold Stories From Outside The Ring book review (7/10)

As I visited the US over the weekend to attend a couple of things for a new WWE game, we were given a goody bag of branded nonsense to take home with us. Aside from the Rey Mysterio mask(s, actually, as I nabbed two), the weird flask thing and the hoody (which I’m sure Anna will claim) there was an interesting looking book – Rumble Road: Untold Stories From Outside The Ring.

Now I have read my fair share of wrassler books, and they all have road stories in them. It’s just such an intrinsic part of the business that everyone has them – and they tend to be quite funny. So I was looking forward to this as a good old fashioned bog-read.

I’m trying to think of another way to write “sigh”.

I’m not sure what contractual obligations by the WWE were placed on Jon Robinson, the collector of these tales, but it looks very much like one of the clauses read ‘do not put anything entertaining in the book whatsoever, in case you run the risk of offending someone or making out that these wrestlers are real people who have real problems/mess up/get into fights’.

Or maybe the clause was just ‘don’t go into any detail – wrestling fans can’t read anyway so it’s a waste of ink’. Either way it makes sense, as this is a book full of half-baked, half-told stories that – in the majority – go nowhere, say nothing and rarely make you smile, let alone laugh. It’s like if this blog were in paperback form.

This is taken verbatim from the introduction to one chapter:

“Think spiders crawling in your bed, rental cars spinning into ditches and hotel keys hitting you in the eye are bad?”

That’s three examples of actual stories in these things. You know they type – complete non-stories that any numpty who has had any interaction with the world has probably had at one point. Where are the stories like in Mick Foley’s book about the unknown gay beach abandonment? Like in Bret Hart’s with the knife-threatening bus “joke”? The one’s like in Bobby Heenan’s that I’ve completely forgotten?

No, instead it’s clearly heavily vetted corporate bullshit. There’s the mention of a stripclub at one point and a clear allusion to someone having themselves some sex in another. But there’s no mention of actual violence, no talk of people being busted for drugs, going mental, having accidents or anything else that would make it interesting in the insider/tabloidy fashion the wrassler books get it right with.

Basically it’s just not honest enough. Insert your own hilarity about it being as fake as wrestling.

Oh, and the categories make no sense, in that the stories contained within each sometimes don’t apply to what the category is actually about.

7/10

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Here comes a new (webcomic) challenger

*I’ve just realised I’ve made this 3,046 times better by just putting my face on it. GU Comics, you are shit.*

I tend to get my weekly fix of webcomics from Kotaku (it’s a gaming site and they’re gaming comics, fact fans). The problem is, I shouldn’t do this. Because they’re invariably shit. Seriously – look at this week’s post and find something on it that genuinely makes you laugh. And I mean this coming from someone who does get all (most) of the references to gaming and pop culture in them. The simple fact of the matter is they’re just not very good. At all. Yet they get audiences of millions per week, solely because they’re included on the Kotaku post.

I know there are good webcomics around – I read XKCD whenever it’s updated (Monday’s isn’t so good, but check through the archives for some genuinely hilarious posts) and every now and them am randomly linked by someone to something that is… y’know… good. With this in mind I have come to two conclusions… three conclusions: one, people need to tell me more good webcomics to read. Good ones, not shit ones with obvious references, smug, self-satisfied writers and a genuinely unfunny end product. Two, it must be really hard to be funny if only about five per cent of the offerings out there are actually smirk-worthy. And three, I should get in on this stuff, as I am funny.

With number three in mind, say hello to my new webcomic series. It is as yet untitled and probably won’t continue beyond this single entry. But that’s irrelevant, because it’s 300 times the comic PvPOnline is and (approximately) eighty-two billion that of GU Comics (which is legally worse than the holocaust, cancer and a burning orphanage put together into one big mush of badtitude). Enjoy!

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Live predict-o election blog, or something

I work in the media, I think, which means I am privy to information you normies aren’t. So it is with great boasty pride that I can present to you an actual account of what will happen in today’s election. Complete and unabridged and with the results in full. I absolutely guarantee this is not just a made up list to fill in for my blog this eve as I have a massive tired-headache. Guarantee. In a way.

9:00pm: Channel 4’s Alternative Election Night starts; viewers recoil once more at the sight of Brooker’s heinous haircut.

9:04pm: It dawns on people that Lauren Laverne is on the show. They wonder why. (Ah, she’s alright)

9:35pm: The BNP take a massive lead, after people voting for them ‘for a laugh’ gets out of hand.

9:59pm: The person you know who’s been demanding you vote all day, as if you’ll die if you don’t – you know who I mean – him. Well, he realises he’s forgotten to vote as he’d been too busy being an annoying prick.

10:00pm: The polls close. The country lets out a collective sigh as the inevitability of a Tory win sets in.

10:03pm: This happens:

Well, that was shit. Happy Toryland for tomorrow, kids!

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