Tag Archives: vita

The Vita kickstarter experiment

Right, I need to get me a PS Vita. I didn’t get one on launch day and it’s the first time I’ve missed a console launch in forever (or: about 12 years). As such my nerd-cred has taken a pounding, as well as the fact that I do not have Everybody’s Golf.

I have to restate that just to try and put across how much this wounds me: I. Do. Not. Have. Everybody’s. Golf.

Shameful. Shocking. Shitty. This has to be remedied.

Unfortunately things cost money. Fortunately I can make money appear by either selling things or doing things. As such I am going to sell things and offer my services to the world as a whole in order to make more money to be able to buy one.

Note: I am not being a whore. I would make too much money doing that, after all.

Services rendered are as follows:

Snarky comment
I will provide you with one (1) snarky comment a day for a total of seven (7) days. You are free to use this comment as you see fit – probably to fling at someone in an insulting, derisive fashion. PRICE: £25

I will post you some chips. I might have eaten some, some might not have been cooked, some might be in their original form (“potato”). Second class post. PRICE: £34

I will write a blog about you, and even do you a special treat in the shape of a photoshopped image of you. Well, probably of me as that’s easier to do. You have no (0) say in what the blog is about, bar the fact you’ll be featured. PRICE: £250

I don’t know. Chicks dig hammers, right? PRICE: £4

Something from my room
I have a lot of shit in my room, as well as some alright stuff. I will pick one bit of shit at “random” (it won’t be random) and send it to you. You “will” be pleased (you won’t). PRICE: £95

I think that’s a fair number of exciting services, and I’m sure I’ll have enough for a Vita within the next couple of hours. It’s like Kickstarter, only better.

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Hell Boat 2011

Here’s something that makes it easier than thinking of something new to write: something that isn’t being used at work! Yaaaay!

It’s not all champagne cocktails and all the free hookers you can eat in the rock ‘n’ roll world of games journalism. No, things do sometimes go wrong, stop you from actually doing your job and – as a result – negatively impact on the level of coverage you, our readers, receive here in this very magazine. Sony’s Hell Boat 2011 event (not the official name) was one of those very Things That Went Wrong.

We were meant to be playing a dozen or so PS Vita games – some not present at TGS – as well as having time with the developers to chat with them about their titles. Oh, on a boat. In Tokyo. It was meant to be over by 9.30pm. It was meant to be organised in some way, shape or form.

What we were left with was about six games, some of which we weren’t allowed to play and the rest of which were GamesCom demos that we’d already seen months earlier. The interviews? “Not enough time.” Mainly because we were running about two hours late, thanks to shocking disorganisation and outright lies about ’25-minute’ bus rides (that actually took 90 minutes). Getting back to a hotel at 1.30am, when you were meant to be back at 10pm, when you have to be up to catch a flight at 5am, when you were meant to come back with a lot of great stuff for the mag, when you actually come back with nothing through no personal fault… yeah. It makes you wonder why you bother.

But hey, at least Tokyo Bay was pretty.

So we’d like to send our thanks out to Sony for arranging the biggest waste of time this publication has ever been involved in. It’s had a negative impact on the magazine and, as such, the content we can deliver to you, our readers. Well done for that.

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