Tag Archives: winter


I remember this feeling from last year, seeing as it all happened in a very similar fashion. Let’s take things back to a simpler time: it was known as December 2009 – suddenly! – cold weather struck. We were… unprepared. The greatest minds of our nation had predicted things, they had noticed the air was getting colder – at least colder than it had been a few months before. But they never expected that. How could they? Temperatures plummeted by a few degrees, some frozen rain fell from the sky and the country… well, the country came to pieces.

I was just one man back then, trying to make my way in the world. Some called it a pilgrimage, others said I was a fool to pursue it – but I had to get to the Holy Land of Zurich, even if it killed me. Well, not if it killed me, but I did really want to get there with the minimum of fuss. But the weather. The weather. In the days leading up to my attempted departure, things had been grim. Temperatures had hit the lowest we’d ever seen in and around Gatwick airport – 1 degree, 0 degrees, and at one point I swear it got to -1 degree, but that may just be an urban legend.

But somehow, some way we got through it. Call it luck, call it the indomitable nature of the human spirit – call it whatever you want. It was close, it was frightening and it wasn’t something I wanted to go through again – but we got through it. I got there. After the Attack Of The Weather we promised ourselves it would never happen again. We would never be caught off-guard. We would always be alert.

But it’s happening again. How WEATHER slipped past our keen defences I have no idea, but slip past it has. I’m scared, people. Last time we barely managed to scrape by – I arrived at the final destination on my pilgrimage a whole two hours later than I was supposed to. I don’t know if I can go through that again. The doctor says I suffer from something – PTSD, he calls it – all because of last year’s events.

I can’t go through it again. We should have seen it coming. We should have been prepared.

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Winter’s to-do list.

I’ve got some stuff to sort out before I bugger off for the winter break. As I tend to lose or otherwise deface the hand-written lists I make, I’m going to put one on here for all to see. That was it’s going to be un-cock-draw-on-able as well as something that pressure me into actually sorting these things – after all, if I know I’m being judged I’m more likely to actually do this shit. LIST TIME:

  • Do washing up. It’s been sat there in a state of half-washed, half-not washed for quite a while now and needs sorting.
  • Vacuum floor. See above.
  • Vacuum excess sugar you couldn’t reach that you dropped this morning. Don’t want to encourage those ants to come back*. (*hilariously, they’re never coming back because they’re all dead)
  • Take Tron Evolution out of 360, nail to Frisbee, fling over rainbow.
  • Ponder awhile as to why my PS2 is out and set up, when I never use it.
  • Ponder why I still have this steering wheel I nabbed from work, seeing as it’s shit.
  • Ponder the above two matters again, only this time do it out loud or in blog form.
  • Realise the above point has already been completed and put a big tick next to it.
  • Try and figure out how to do a big tick in Word.
  • Fail.
  • Socks.
  • Attempt to purchase a belt that says it’s your size and actually is your size.
  • Realise you don’t care that much about a new belt, as the old one is absolutely fine.
  • Tell the world this isn’t a subtle present request, as a belt is a really boring present.
  • Wonder if this train of thought thing is anywhere near as funny as I hoped it would me.
  • Realise it isn’t.
  • Wonder aloud (though still quietly) how this loud twat you live with has been able to get through life without being stabbed.
  • Plot stabbing.
  • Get arrested for making humorous comment about stabbing.
  • Think up more witty satire about the police force and why they’re such bastards.
  • Cry self to sleep.
  • Scratch that last one.

I think that’s it. Hopefully I can get them all done before I sod off to Swiss-er-land on the 23rd. Wish me luck!


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It’s getting cold. KNITWEAR TIME!

It’s getting nippy outside – to the point that today I had to put my hoodie on to stop myself from being terrible and cold like a WEAK, WEAK PERSON. We all know that only the truly WEAK, WEAK PEOPLE are the ones that have to put on their outerwear after having already made the decision to not wear any in the first place. I let the north down. I let myself down.

On the other hand, it does mean we’re now fast approaching one of the best times of the year: knitwear season. I don’t mean anything fancy, or hardly anything actually knitted. No, I mean the season when it’s acceptable – and sensible – to wear jumpers you’ve bought from TK Maxx.

I don’t knit myself. I don’t actually think much about jumpers and ting. I don’t actively shop for jumpers, outerwear and other such knitwear. But I do like to browse the racks of questionable quality knitting products. Also synthetic products. And cotton. And other stuff I don’t actually understand.

This is an overly-elongated way of saying: I want a new jumper. I’m going to go to TK Maxx next week to get one. Yeah, that’s about all these couple of hundred words are about. Sorry.

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