Tag Archives: women

A public service announcement RE: walking

This is a public service announcement from Dransfield Industries, a subsidiary of Dransfield Incorporated, which represents parent company Dransfield Dransfield.

26 July, 2010. Bournemouth, England.

Statement begins:

WOMEN, men, children, dogs and everything in-between are being offered advice for if a reasonably large, northern man begins walking anywhere in the vicinity of them. This man, it has been noted, is not a threat to you, your safety, your belongings or your way of life. Just because this man has decided to walk on the same stretch of pavement as you does not mean he is about to murder you most violently. Or even make eye contact.

It has been noted by Dransfield Industries that many women, men, children, dogs and everything in-between act surprised by the appearance of this man on pavements. They have been known to cross roads in what is not always – but quite clearly sometimes – a way of getting away from the man. Looks of confusion, if not genuine fear, are commonplace whenever this man comes within a certain distance of many women, men, children, dogs and everything in-between.

We at Dransfield Industries, as well as employees at Dransfield Incorporated and the management team at Dransfield Dransfield would like to offer this piece of advice to all women, men, children, dogs and everything in-between, whether they seem to fear this man or not: he is not going to hurt you in any way, shape or form. You do not need to look behind you, cross roads, eye up any nearby items that could be used as makeshift weaponry, call MI6, run away or throw a smoke bomb at the ground before vanishing. This man is not a murderer, rapist, mugger, bumper-intoer, insulter or attacker.

Dransfield Industries would like to confirm he is just a largeish man who walks quite fast. We ask that all women, men, children, dogs and everything in-between remain calm on seeing him in the streets. He is of no threat to anyone.

Statement ends.

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Gender roles in modern society

I was very tempted to write a list of my own following on from what the above says (click it for the bigger version), but it really does cover everything that needs to be said. Frankly, it should take over from the Bible as the most popular piece of factual literature ever printed and it would be difficult for me to add anything worthwhile. Still, I’m going to – because I am a man, and as such my topics of conversation are more important than yours. Though only if you’re female. If you’re male, that’s a bit of a quagmire – I mean, who are we to judge which man is more important than the other? How could we possibly put value on what an individual (male) has to say over another person (of the same sex: male)? We couldn’t, which is why all men should never talk to each other, lest they have opinions and ruin the day.

Anyway, it’s list time!

  • When your man-master (from here on referred to as ‘manster’) says “jump”, you ask “how high?” You then receive a beating for questioning his command.
  • When your manster tells you that the television show you are watching is shit, you immediately turn the TV off. You should then take to the set with a hammer, destroying any chance of whatever celebrity gobshite was on the show defiling the sanctity of your home ever again.
  • If your manster demands beans, you should have beans to hand.
  • Make sure you’re always “store-testing” for fresher coffee. Or: this happens.
  • When your manster is enjoying a brief, ten-hour session of videogaming delights, bear these things in mind: shut up, get out of the way, stop questioning things that are going on in the game and for the love of god don’t you dare laugh at it. Unless commanded to do so, of course.
  • When your manster tells you that you do indeed look good in whatever you are wearing, he is lying. You should immediately go and disfigure yourself as penance – though make sure it isn’t in an area visible to others when fully clothed. You wouldn’t want to embarrass your manster, now – would you?
  • Because if you embarrass him…
  • Know your role, and shut your mouth.

I think that about covers the extra-basics. Read, ingest and fully take on board, and together we can create a better society. One where we are all as equal as we deserve to be, and women are as subservient as they should be.

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