Tag Archives: yeeeeah

Everything’s amazing and nobody’s happy

I like to complain about things, because complaining makes me feel like I have some kind of handle – some kind of control on the world around me. When I don’t. I really don’t. And the things I complain about tend to be the most insignificant nothings you could ever imagine.

The 3G on my phone didn’t work for about five minutes earlier. People nearly died because of that. My internet ceased to function for the one minute I definitely had to look at Twitter. The vein-bulge in my forehead still hasn’t gone down.

But it’s stupid. It’s not worth getting worked up about. So I’m trying to teach myself the zen of Louis CK (as introduced to me – properly – by NewDad himself, Jon Denton). This clip pretty much sums it up:

It should be the way to think. It should. But it won’t. I’ll keep on complaining when my TV – that I got for free – won’t turn on until I turn it off at the mains and back on again (taking an extra 20 seconds). I’ll keep whining when my trophies won’t sync fast enough on the PS3, or I struggle to get the hard drive back on my 360.

It’s not just me – I’ll listen to people like Bar-nes complain about Android SDKs and his computer. I’ll see people moan that too many people are moaning on Twitter, or complain that they wanted to do something then didn’t, for no reason other than they just didn’t do it.

But all the time, in the back of my head, I’ll be trying to think like Louis.

And failing.

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This could go either way – it really could. On one hand it could be the greatest decision I’ve ever made in my life (after buying the netbook). On the other hand it could be a completely stupid, pointless waste of money and end up being an unused burden/impromptu clothes horse in the corner of my room. Yes folks: I bought an exercise bike.

Naturally it’s a part of my new found ‘be less fat’ thing that I seem to only be able to talk about, and double-naturally I’ve chosen the option that combines one thing I’m trying to do (“exercise”) and one thing I genuinely love to do all of the time (“sitting”) (unless I have to stand up, or do something else, or at one point today when my leg felt funny so I had to walk around for ten minutes).

I’m guessing it will mean I’ll end up with thighs bigger than those of Roberto Carlos

and the ability to pedal for ages without stopping. I don’t know, like thirty seconds or something. Unless, of course, I let my inherent laziness get the better of me. If that happens, it will just end up being a £139.99 clothes horse. From Argos. Plus about £5 delivery. Half price. Better than the Davina bike option.


I do want a Chinese takeaway though. How long would I have to pedal to burn off 3,000 calories? About four weeks without breaks, I think.


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For science!

I am currently in the third… fourth?… a day of my new experiment, wherein I am trying to retrain myself to only need 6-7 hours of sleep a night. As you may be able to tell from my opening confusion, my brain is not handling the changes to my normally massive sleep schedule too well. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s rebelling a bit.

But I have set myself this challenge, and I will at least try to make it work before giving up and going back to 10-12 hours of sleep. I’m sure that after a week or two my mind will be numbed enough to just accept what’s going on and go with the flow, even if the flow is a fair few less hours not having to think about things. It likes that time. I can tell. Stupid brain.

I’ve known for a while that those who sleep the ‘recommended’ 8-10 hours a night actually don’t live as long as those who do 6-7, but that never stopped me. It hasn’t stopped me now, either, as for one I don’t know where this “YOU WILL DIE BY SLEEPING” stuff is from (it could be the Daily Express, for fuck’s sake), and two, who wants to get old? It’s shit. You can’t do anything, you hobble about a bit and then shit yourself on the bus.

Actually, no, that sounds both brilliant and pretty much like what I do now anyway.

Right, yes. So I decided the other day I would intentionally limit the amount of sleep I get in a night. The first night was easy, as I’d been out drinking and always find it hard to get a full night’s sleep on a boozy head. The second night was harder, as hangover sleep usually lasts 14 hours, but I prevailed by forcing myself to play GalCiv2 for hours. Third and fourth nights: easy, as there’s been the alarm. But now I’m wavering, as I’m just bloody tired right now. I want to go to bed. But I can’t until 1am, because that’s how I’m to get the experimental sleep time.

On the plus side, this means my time after work has gone from almost-approaching hectic (but not quite) to really-rather-leisurely. And that’s probably the main reason I’m doing it. It’s only been a few days, but already I’m seeing benefits. I’m not rushing the blogs, I’m not avoiding playing games I want to play as I think I’ll only be able to put half an hour in and I’m able to catch up on shows I’ve missed and “LEGALLY” acquired at a later date.

So it may leave me cranky, give me a bit of a headache and generally make me slouch even more than I did before, but the positives far outweigh the negatives: more time for TV shows, films, video games, writing and coffee. Aweszzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


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Enough is enough: it’s time for a change

It’s fast approaching that time, once again, where I have to make a huge decision. Things are getting stale, old and I’m hearing endless noises in the back of my head that anger me. Change is necessary. Something different needs to come into my life. Even though financially it wouldn’t be the right thing to do, I have to at least consider it for the good of my own sanity.

I’m thinking about getting a new PC.

Unfortunately that brings up a whole host of questions and potential answers. Do I want laptop, or desktop? Barebones or ridiculous power-horse-machine-thing? Pre-built? Bespoke? Self-built? AMD or Intel? Nvidia or ATI? DVD or Blu-ray? Expensive or cripplingly expensive? I don’t really know the answers to any of these just yet, but they’re the kinds of things I’ve had to consider numerous times over the last decade or so.

I’m plotting a return to desktops, as this lappy was always too big to really drag around with me and I have Tiny Laptop for that duty anyway. Then there’s the upgradeable aspect and blah de blah other things you don’t care about. Cheaper too, at least for a gaming machine. Also I have a desk – IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

I’m not getting a Mac, though, and I’m probably not actually getting anything, as I can afford just about £0.00 right now (and for the foreseeable future). Oh well.

But if this fan doesn’t shut up – it’s eating away inside my brain, I tells ya – I may well go on a murderous rampage. Donate money to me so I can buy a new PC and not stab everyone in a 20-mile radius*.

*Note to any law enforcement officials or other humourless twerps: I am not about to go on a stabbing rampage. Said statement was made in jest. Also: you smell.


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Read and hear my children’s book. No, seriously.

I’ve been whoring this around Facebook and Twitter today, and this place absolutely will not escape from the same punishment. See, I have written a kids’ picture book – as  I have mentioned before – and it was picked for inclusion in this month’s entries on Smories. Even though it doesn’t have pictures yet.

Clicky here to see/hear the story as read by a tiny child who struggles to read it. However, I definitely saw her laugh at one point and she says the word “noggin” with gusto, so it’s not exactly a terrible performance. You can give me feedback too, if you want. Don’t expect me to listen if it’s negative though. BAM.

Even if you don’t care about watching/listening to the thing they don’t worry. A click would still be appreciated, though, as if I get loads of people viewing the page then I get a prize. Wouldn’t hurt to try.

I’ll probably not advertise anymore, especially after you all tell me this is terrible, stupid and easy for any talentless hack to do. SOZ.

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