I am now officially a Luddite

I’ve been whining about it a fair bit since about 1905 hours, but that’s because I’m pissed off about it. Hence I’m allowed to whine. Turns out that technology, when operated in the manner in which it is meant to be operated, doing exactly the job it is meant to do, when in good condition and high of battery level – when all of that combined, when you see no problems, when it’s never let you down before – that’s when the fucking thing will break.

As such, I have decided to give up all technology. I will become a Luddite. I will no longer give myself over to these robotic bastards that try to dominate our lives. For too long we have been reliant on technology – from the makeshift hammering tools that helped our Homo Erectus forebears become the people we are today to the automated wanking machines you definitely don’t see all over the internet.

I’m making a stand. No more will I use the things that make my life easier, because I know I cannot rely on them. They will only let me down, piss me off and cost me money. Sure, they might help sometimes – but only when it suits them, the motherfuckers. “Oh, look at me, I’m a dictaphone and I’ll decide not to work now.” Cock.

I mean, I’ll probably still use computers, because otherwise I’d be really bored. And games consoles, for the same reason. And I’d need to keep my TV to cover the console thing. And all the added bits and bobs I have around to augment and improve my gaming, computing and TV-watching experiences. And I’d need to keep hold of my phone, because I know how shit it is to not have a phone.

Also I’d want to keep all the other miscellanea, because I hate not having stuff and I’m too selfish to give it away. As well as too lazy to bother selling it all.

But yeah, definite Luddite. I’ll use the Conkies from Fist Of Fun as my inspiration. I would do a link-o to a video, but I can’t find one.

FREE LCD TV! (not really, but something boring about shopping instead!)

Shocked you may be to learn this, but I am not what you would call ‘a shopper’. I don’t just not shop for things until I really have to, I actually let stuff like clothing fall to pieces before I will replace it. Some would say this is thrify, but they are idiots. I do this because I despise shopping. I never browse. I never want to aimlessly walk around for hours on end, comparing tops and going “I want it, I can afford it and it will work out as a sound – and fashionable – investment. BUT OHMYGOD SHOULD I BUY IT I DON’T THINK I WILL OHMYGOD” thirty two times in the space of four minutes.

Transport me to the world of online shopping though, and things are a little bit different. Make that online shopping for electronics and technology and you’ve got yourself some bona-fide nerd levels of interest going on. Case in point: I spent two hours this morning doing nothing but traipsing through reviews and prices for televisions, just because I may, as some point in the next month or two, be able to pick one up for cheap.

It’s not even a certainty, yet I’ve spent hours of my day doing pretty much nothing – even less than when I’m playing games or watching TV or films – because I’ve… sigh… enjoyed it. I’m not hugely technically-minded, but I know what the numbers and acronyms stand for. I can see why it might confuse people, but not me. And as a result, I want to read about the difference in performance between a 10m HDMI lead and its gold-plated equivalent. I want to know how the TV can be hung up on the wall. And I do care that the contrast ratio is less than I expected it to be.

So yeah. Turns out I do like shopping. Damn.

Of a rather derived nature

Hello, I’m copying Rich, who copied Andy, who copied another Rich. The bug bit my bum, basically.

It will be an incredible challenge to keep this up and actually post something every day – not because I have no thoughts, or am lacking the ability to stretch one sentence into 300 words. No: this is a “challenge” mainly because of my painful combination of laziness and forgetfulness. For one, I reckon I’ll have forgotten about this blog by tomorrow. It is half three in the am and I’m off my tits on caffine, after all.

Nevertheless, I will at least try and give this a go. Posting things. Mainly about games. Keeping the fingers match fit. Avoiding ring rust. That kind of thing. I have just thought that any time I’m away from my computer for more than a day I’m bollocksed, but that’s because I don’t have access to any future technology that magically allows me to Tweet or blog wherever I am in the world. No, I have a Nokia that used to have a sticker of a mermaid on the back of it. She was called Princess Pearl and I loved her deeply. Regardless, I’ll try and find a way around this.

If I remember to post. If I remember I have started this. Curse you, coke(-a cola) binges.

Day one: won the Premier League with Everton more or less by accident. God I love Football Manager.

See you later,
xx

UPDATE: Champions League too. Nice.